Lifestyle

Going feet first into old age

IMAGINE going to bed one night as a modest but devastatingly gorgeous 19-year-old with a whole lot in front her, only to wake up the next morning as a confused woman of a “certain age” wondering where it all went.

Admittedly a woman of a certain age can still have a whole lot in front of her, although now it's all pointing in the wrong direction and needs an under-wire support bra to keep it all from hitting the floor.

Getting older sneaks up on you. One day you're young and reckless wearing frosted eye shadow, dancing on a table at the blue light disco and thinking up an excuse to tell your parents as to why you were late home. Next day you're the parent stuck in a queue at Woolies holding a barbecue chook and thinking up an excuse to tell hubby and the kids why you're late with dinner.

You don't suddenly get grey hairs, it takes years. Years of marriage, years of child rearing and years of pointless arguments over whose turn it is to sit in the front seat and who used all the hot water before your natural locks will start to change hue and Madame Clairol becomes your new best friend.

And even as the years start passing by, with a bit of effort, a bit of imagination and a whole lot of denial and soft lighting it's still possible to fool the mirror. Why do you think women over 35 buy so many candles?

But even as you lie to yourself and say you're only buying that ridiculously expensive tub of anti-aging cream as a “preventative”, you wear sunglasses to avoid the glare rather than risk crow's feet and you need to leave the party because it's almost midnight and if you don't go home and get some rest now you'll be a cow tomorrow, there's one thing guaranteed to make you feel old – your feet.

Oh sure, you can suck in your stomach and spend half the evening wriggling into a panty girdle before putting on a slinky dress that mysteriously shrank in the wardrobe, you can grow your fringe long and cover the beginning of those forehead lines and you can dye your hair every colour of the rainbow rather than admit there are one or two greys poking through but the one thing that will always give your age away is your feet. And I'm not talking about how they look; I'm talking about how they feel.

You know your days of dancing like a diva are probably coming to an end when you walk past a display of rubber-soled Hush Puppies and think to yourself “Gee they must be comfy”.

Of course the first time you catch yourself doing this you'll immediately rush over to the other side of the shoe shop, strap on an impossibly high pair of heels and teeter around the shop insisting it will be years before Dr Scholl can call you a patient.

But one day before you know it, you'll be standing at an all-day soccer gala in painful, pointy-toed high heels, the blood to your little toe cut off for so long it will need amputating and you will hear a voice in the back of your head saying, “You know you've still got it, you know you can still dance on table tops, but would it kill you to do it in sensible shoes once in a while?”

Family Taming is a weekly humour column.

Topics:  family taming humour column



New store provides shoppers more fresh food choice

Even the shoppers are excited about the opening of Causley Fresh Grafton as owner Jess Causley (front) poses in front of her staff.

After months of hard work, Causley Fresh finally opens in Grafton

10 songs to spice up the Christmas playlist

Dee Snider from Twisted Sister dressed as Santa has probably ruined more than one Christmas

Sick and tired of the same old Christmas songs?

Magnificent Magpies triumphant return

MAGNIFICENT MAGPIES: Front: Bessie, second row: Riley and Nadia, third row: Lucy, Molly and Caitlin, back: Tom, Liam, Micah and their teacher Ainsley Pope from South Grafton Public School who recently won part of the Animal Allies First Lego League competition in Sydney. Absent team member: Kaydence.

Ten kids from South Grafton Public School won a Sydney competition

Local Partners

Magnificent Magpies triumphant return

EXCITEMENT and enthusiasm got 10 students from South Grafton Public School across the line at the recent Animal Allies First Lego League


Wallis Bird at the Pelican Playhouse

IN TOWN: Wallis Bird is on at the Pelican Playhouse next week.

Wallis Bird begins her first Australian tour in Grafton

Twice as nice for Grace at Dolphin awards

Grace Hickey receives one of her two Dolphin awards at the ceremony at the Ballina RSL

Maclean singer takes out Youth and Female Vocal categories

Community tackling ways to slow the suicide rate

Draft plan to reverse horrific suicide rate in the region

Brad Pitt bids to keep custody battle private

Brad Pitt will go to court to keep his custody battle private

Sia has split from her husband

Sia has split from her husband Erik Anders Lang.

Wallis Bird at the Pelican Playhouse

IN TOWN: Wallis Bird is on at the Pelican Playhouse next week.

Wallis Bird begins her first Australian tour in Grafton

Amy Schumer thanks Barbie trolls for hateful comments

Amy Schumer is in the lead role for the new Barbie movie

Shannen Doherty's husband is suing for destroyed sex life

Shannen Doherty's husband is suing her former manager

Opera in the Paddock back for another show-stopper

BACK AGAIN: Opera in the Paddock.

Enjoy a little Opera in the Paddock next year

Give a little more this Christmas

TIME TO GIVE: Lee Johns, Courtney Smith and Daniel Kelly of Ray White Yamba promote their Little Ray Of Giving Christmas gift appeal.

Call out for presents, big or small

INSIDE STORY: The highlights of your $150 million CBD

GRAND PLAN: The highlights of the Ipswich CBD redevelopment and where they will be located.

Work on city heart's radical transformation to begin next year

VOTE IN OUR POLL: Sand mine opponents face serious dilemma

Public meeting for the proposed sand mine at Maroochydore last week.

Coast MP calls on Minister to stop KRA proposal with stroke of a pen

Developer's grand new multi-million dollar estate

NEW ESTATE: This is the only plan revealed by the property developer's new Billabongs Estate in Agnes Water.

DEVELOPER given the go ahead for a massive estate with 149 homes.

Banks reclaim Gladstone homes as job losses bite

LONG FALL: Property experts Heron Todd say, based on key market indicators, Gladstone is still travelling to the bottom of the market, with property prices set to get cheaper.

Property valuers say Gladstone housing market hasn't hit the bottom

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!