AT the risk of sounding like Beyonce, we will refrain from the single ladies chant, but this one goes out to the blokes too.
Every year around this time, the singles population subconsciously divides into four different groups: the sad sacks, the over-compensators, the nonchalants and the ones with love hearts beaming from their eyes.
Yep, it's almost Valentine's Day.
For those who just grunted and threatened to click away, hold your ponies. We've put together a survival guide for all the single ladies and lads out there to get through V-Day.
THE SAD SACKS
If you're friends with a sad sack:
Handle with care. For these guys and gals, being single on Valentine's Day is like the world running out of beer - a tragedy.
As a friend of a sad sack, it is your job to be a shoulder to cry on (wear an old sweater because mascara is hard to get out), dish out the compliments and agree when they say "my ex was a total loser".
If they are really emotional, there's no shame in calling in another mate to take the overnight shift. Just don't leave them alone during their time of need.
If you are a sad sack:
If the description above is sounding a little too familiar and you're the one hankering for copious amounts of ice cream, we've got three words for you.
Suck. It. Up.
There is nothing wrong with being single and there is everything wrong with letting your emotions ruin your day.
So, sad sacks, this year, why not get a group of your mates together for dinner or a game of pool? Or treat yourself to a night of bad food and Will Ferrell. Or just treat it the same as any other day. After all, it is.
If you're friends with an over-compensator:
This species of single is traditionally the most fun to hang out with - 364 days of the year.
The over-compensators are all about embracing the single life but come V-Day they take things to another level, trying to prove that they don't need a lover in their life. WE GET IT!
Brace yourself for a feminist rally, a full-on lecture about why it's great to be independent and possibly a petition of some description.
Smile and wave, guys and gals, smile and wave.
If you are an over-compensator:
Tone it down a notch, Scotty. It's fantastic you love being single and are proud as punch of your independence, but you don't need to rub it in everyone else's face.
Stop trying to prove just how happy you are riding solo, and just be. Especially if you're trying to hide the fact you're really feeling a little down in the dumps today - there is nothing wrong with feeling a little blue sometimes.
Just don't fall into the sad sack category.
If you're friends with a nonchalant:
These singles are the ones you want to surround yourself with. They couldn't give a hoot if it's Valentine's Day, Christmas Day or World Egg Day; it's just another day in their books.
For these guys, a bathrobe, glass of red and good book is much more appealing than heading out on a date just because tradition tells them to.
If you are a nonchalant:
Well, my friend, there is nothing wrong with that!
You're not going to get yourself down in the dumps about your psycho ex, because you don't care.
Carry on living your life, nonchalant, and give the sad sacks a leaf from your book. They need it.
HEARTS BEAMING FROM THEIR EYES
If you're friends with someone with love hearts beaming from their eyes:
These ones love to love. They "awww" as often as they breathe and everything is "soooo cute". But they're prone to falling in love with the first person they see.
Best to opt for a night of board games where they are not exposed to any unsuspecting victims.
If you have love hearts beaming from your eyes:
Chances are you've already found the new "love of your life" in the coffee line at Gloria Jeans this morning and are halfway through planning the wedding.
WHAT TYPE OF SINGLE ARE YOU ON VALENTINE'S DAY?
Take our quiz and find out...
1) For you, Valentine's Day is ...
a) A horrible day where ice-cream and chocolate is totally acceptable for every meal, you might even chuck a sickie from work to stay at home and cry while watching The Notebok.
b) A day to embrace your own individuality and tell everyone how happy you are being single.
c) Valentine's Day? When is Valentine's Day?
d) The most special day of the year!
2) On Valentine's Day, your friends tend to ...
a) Take it in shifts to keep you company and hand you tissues.
b) Turn the music up to drown out your constant ranting.
c) Leave you be.
d) Roll their eyes when you tell them you've found "The One". Again.
3) Your idea of a Valentine's date or gift is ...
a) Anything. You need some serious cheering up.
b) Ain't nobody got time for that - you've got a singles march to organise.
c) A surprise six-pack at the front door wouldn't go astray, but you don't really believe in the whole idea. Valentine's schmalentine's.
d) A dinner invitation from a total stranger who also happens to be a total babe, who tells you he or she is ready for a life of commitment starting now.
If your answers were mostly A's, you are a sad sack.
If your answers were mostly B's, you are an over-compensator.
If your answers were mostly C's, you are a nonchalant.
If your answers were mostly D's, you've got the love bug baby.
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