Lifestyle

T leaves a very bitter taste

James Magnussen has been forced to settle for silver in the final of the men's 100 metre freestyle.
James Magnussen has been forced to settle for silver in the final of the men's 100 metre freestyle. Getty Images Sport - Al Bello

THE Federal Government has launched an investigation into the letter T after it was blamed for Australia's lower-than-expected gold medal tally at the Olympics.

The letter was accused of messing with the heads of star athletes James Magmuffin (swimming), Jodie Shoots (hockey) and Kim Muscle (javelin) as all three fell short of expectations.

Sports administrator James Busted said the letter T had harassed the athletes during the filming of a bank ad and destroyed their confidence.

"As I understand it the three were hanging out with the letters C, A and N when T, chubby and with a beard, came along and started planting seeds of doubt," he said.

"Friends of Magmuffin said the champion, known as the missile, was seen sitting in the corner before his big race saying over and over that he had been beaten before.

"And Jodie was carried from the field muttering incoherently about a goalkeeper the size of a block of flats."

The revelation sparked a strong community backlash against the letter T.

Children's program Sesame Street announced it would be pulling a program brought to you by the letter T in protest at the letter's antics.

Hollywood actor Mr T announced he would be changing his name to Mr Q.

Ordinary punter Trevor said he would in future refer to himself as "Revor".

"This may seem a little extreme but it has a nice Scooby Doo quality to it," he said.

Prime Minister Julia Gizzard said her government would leave no stone unturned in getting to the bottom of the T controversy.

"Naturally we can't just have letters of the alphabet running amok in bank ads," she said.

"History has taught us that this is the way total anarchy begins."

Opposition Leader Tony Abshot said he was proud of all of Australia's athletes, except perhaps the ones that didn't go very fast.

"This is just another attempt by the Prime Minister to divert attention from the real issues such as who will be in the Big Brother house and what their secrets are," he said.

A spokesman for the letter T said his client was upset at the allegations and would defend them rigorously.

"At this stage we intend to launch a counter claim that my client was harassed and assaulted during the filming of the bank ads," he said.

"I am advised that he was pushed over a cliff, trapped under a hockey goal and chased across the paddock with a spear. This is not very nice."

Thirsty Cow is fiction. Characters and situations are a product of our imagination.

 

>> To read more lifestyle stories

Topics:  humour lifestyle olympics opinion thirsty cow



Time for change to end political privilege

Sussan Ley has resigned after her expenses problems, but that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Politicians really do take Australian taxpayers for fools

LETTER: Wrong location for housing development

Trying to find a good location for affordable housing in Grafton.

Mistakes can negatively affect value of Grafton citizens' properties

OPINION: Pauline, we need you here, not with Donald

If Australia needs to have a maverick politician emerge in these turbulent times, Pauline Hanson is a pretty harmless alternative.

Cartoon character, not a social threat

Local Partners

Book 'em, kiddo: Sale attracts bumper crowd

Whoever said books were passe would eat those words if they were at the Maclean Bowling Club on Saturday.


Artist program to link to gallery theme

VALUABLE STINT: Indigenous artist Karla Dickens at work in Grafton Regional Gallery's studio during her 2010 artist's residency.

Gallery encouraging indigenous artists to take up residency offer

See the historical heritage horses

OPEN DAY: Enjoy a day out learning or finding your next dream horse from the Guy Fawkes River National Park.

Guy Fawkes Heritage Horse Association Inc. open day.

7 things to do this weekend

The Maclean Rotary Book Sale is on this weekend and always attracts a big crowd of buyers.

Great places to spend some time

50 Shades actress on why she hates the film

Dornan and Johnson’s frequent sex scenes were ‘awkward’ to film. Picture: SuppliedSource:Supplied

Jamie Dornan doesn’t blame you for hating 50 Shades

Chris Hemsworth’s X-rated compliment to former co-star

Australian actor Chris Hemsworth poses on the red carpet for the European premiere of the film 'Avengers: Age of Ultron' in London on April 21, 2015.

THOR star once paid former Home and Away actress a lewd compliment.

'I can't keep my mouth shut any longer'

Singer George Michael.

George Michael’s cousin blasts singer’s boyfriend Fadi Fawaz.

Fresh faces: NCIS gets a shake up with new cast members

The new cast of NCIS, from left, Rocky Carroll, Pauley Perrette, Sean Murray, David McCallum, Brian Dietzen, Wilmer Valderrama, Emily Wickersham, Mark Harmon, Duane Henry and Jennifer Esposito.

THREE new characters join naval drama for season 14.

First the Onesie, now an Xbox One S inflatable controller

Fancy an inflatable Xbox One S controller?

Inflatable controller 'perfect sidekick' for Australia Day party

Sarah Harris: Here’s what Amber Sherlock should’ve done

Studio 10 and Shark Tank presenter Sarah Harris.

STUDIO 10 host says Sherlock could’ve avoided the subsequent uproar.

Historical home leaves family's hands after 75 years

SALE CONFIRMED: The Gympie Regional   Realty team which sold the Ramsey property are (back) Mel Gastigar, Dorothy Palmer and Margaret Cochrane, with (front) home seller Terri-Jayne Ramsey.

Ramsey family played a huge role in Gympie's growth.

Pat Rafter's $18m Coast home proves hot property

PAT'S PAD: The Sunshine Beach home of tennis ace Pat rafter is on the market for a record price.

"It's a record for our company and for the Sunshine Coast.''

INTERACTIVE MAP: Which Northern Rivers towns boomed in 2016?

BOOM TOWNS: While Ballina properties continued to attract top dollar in 2016, it was areas to the south that experienced price hikes, including Wardell, Evans Head and Woodburn.

Click on our map to find the median sale price in your town

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!