Lifestyle

Teen flossy left to wing it

MY YOUNGEST brought a note home that read, "School social on Wednesday night - dress code - free choice".

Free choice? Oh please no. Pass me a bucket.

The only wording worse than "free choice" on a school note is "fundraiser chocolate drive money overdue" or "contact the principal immediately".

Let me translate the "free choice dress code" as interpreted in the mind of a teen queen.

It literally means that none of the clothes or costumes already spilling out of her wardrobe will be suitable. She will require something way more fabulous. Something way more gorgeous than any creation her girlfriends will be wearing, and something totally out there.

"So what do you want to go as?" I asked while praying it wasn't going to be anything too ambitious, too costly or involving a sewing machine.

"A demented fairy."

Naturally. I don't know why I didn't see that one coming.

Okay, drama averted. Demented we can do.

Although the "fairy" bit might take a little work.

"Sweetie, just fill me in here, how does the whole 'demented fairy' look go again?" I asked.

"You know," she replied, "it's like a bit raggedy, lots of like black and pink crushed stuff, wild crazy unbrushed hair and an attitude to match."

"Oh right, and this differs from your everyday look how?"

After more detailed discussion (that was heard by most of the neighbourhood) it was agreed that she would recycle her pink fairy outfit from a couple of years ago.

We would cut off the wings and jagger the edges of the costume's tulle skirt, and to stop her being arrested for indecent exposure (she's grown a bit since grade four), she would complete her demented fairy ensemble with a pair of ripped black tights and a black t-shirt.

All was going surprisingly well until we came to the accessories.

The wild hair and wild attitude were frighteningly easy to produce but when it came to the black lipstick and black nail polish, which, according to my youngest is "like duh a basic requirement for demented fairies", it was another matter entirely.

I now understand why "goths" (teenagers dressed in pitch black from head to toe) have such dour and gloomy expressions - it's not that easy finding black nail polish and lippy.

When it comes to shopping I'm a professional, in fact I like to class myself in the elite category, but it was four shops and three bargain bins before I finally hit the jackpot and found some black nail polish.

And when at last I did manage to find it I still had to deal with the sales assistant's condescending, "aren't we a little too old for that shade" look.

As for black lippy - it's an urban myth.

I'm convinced the whole "goth" black liquorice lip look thing started as an accident, more as a result of something created by Darrell Lea rather than Estee Lauder.

On the night of the school social my "demented fairy" did a few pirouettes in the lounge room showing off her costume to an under whelmed big brother and a dog who took cover under the couch.

"I'm ready, can someone drive me now?" Glances were exchanged between hubby and me. Someone with a driver's licence was going to have to get off the couch and drive that child to the social.

Time for a little "free choice" of my own, "You're a fairy - fly."

Family Taming is a weekly humour column.

Topics:  family family taming opinion parenting



Top Pub raise a glass to Lower Clarence's revival

CHEERS TO THAT: Lower Clarence Magpies' captain-coach Dan Randall with new club sponsors, managers of the Maclean Hotel Zoe Jamieson and Mark Kirkland.

"If we can contribute to getting them on the field ... that's great”

Pauline Hanson calls Trump protesters "clowns"

 Thousands rally in support of equal rights, in Sydney, Saturday, Jan. 21, 2017. Hundreds of rallies are due to take place in over 30 countries around the world following the inauguration of US President Donald Trump.

“Don’t these clowns have anything else better to do?"

Spectacular photos as storm hits

Storm at Harwood Bridge.

Strong winds and rain hit Lower Clarence

Local Partners

Lifeguards commended after rescuing eight at Pippi

Lifeguards Harry Fahey and Mikey Gilliman talk about their 'textbook rescue' of eight swimmers while on patrol at Pippi Beach


Festival director joins stars at Sundance

ACTION: Wendy Gibbs, director of the Bent Bridge Film Festival, before heading off to the Sundance Film Festival in the US.

Rubbing shoulders with celebrities at film festival

5 things to do this weekend

Lower Clarence Relay for Life Swim

Looking for something to do this weekend?

Puppetry of the Penis secrets revealed ahead of show

The famed Puppetry of the Penis is coming to the Sunshine Coast for shows in Noosa and Caloundra.

WARNING: This interview contains adult themes and traces of nuts

Meet the new Marco on MasterChef Australia: Yotam Ottolenghi

Israeli-born, London-based chef Yotam Ottolenghi will be a guest chef for a week on the 2017 season of MasterChef Australia.

AFTER Marco’s defection to Seven, MasterChef signs a true food hero.

Big Bang spin-off to be about kid Sheldon

Jim Parsons in a scene from the TV series The Big Bang Theory.

Actor Jim Parsons has dished on an upcoming Big Bang Theory spin-off

How Adam Brand’s Nashville dream fell apart

Country music singer Adam Brand talks about how heartbreak stopped him chasing his Nashville dream.

SINGER reveals how heartbreak stopped him from chasing his dream.

JADA goes to the nation

RELIABLE: Shannon Piddock and Troy Sievers from S&D Welch Transport pick up the 2016 JADA artworks to take back to the depot for loading onto its specialist transport.

Clarence promotes its art by the truckload

Festival director joins stars at Sundance

ACTION: Wendy Gibbs, director of the Bent Bridge Film Festival, before heading off to the Sundance Film Festival in the US.

Rubbing shoulders with celebrities at film festival

What's on the small screen this week

Grant Denyer will host Channel 10's Australia Day concert from the Sydney Opera House.

STAR-studded Australia Day celebrations and fascinating docos.

Positive signs for Clarence Valley property market

Yamba had the most expensive units and houses over the year to October.

Yamba houses sell for median of $500,000 each

Thousands of jobs part of $1b retirement village project

THIS YEAR: An artist impression of the new Aveo retirement village in Springfield.

Aveo Springfield unveiled this month, homes ready by July

Rates safe from land value hike

DRIVING GROWTH: The Pacific Highway upgrade has been linked to improved land values.

Figures up in latest valuer-general report

KNIFE-EDGE: The housing tightrope we now face

Even the smallest interest rate rise will be hard for some to handle.

One if five home owners at risk, according to new analysis

Historical home leaves family's hands after 75 years

SALE CONFIRMED: The Gympie Regional   Realty team which sold the Ramsey property are (back) Mel Gastigar, Dorothy Palmer and Margaret Cochrane, with (front) home seller Terri-Jayne Ramsey.

Ramsey family played a huge role in Gympie's growth.

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!