Lifestyle

They're off with the pixels

GOVERNMENTS are set to approve the use of new technology that allows people to blur their faces in public to avoid being recognised or recorded by spy cameras.

The revolutionary device allows humans to go into "pixilation mode" with the flick of a switch when they are out in public. Another switch will allow them to disguise their voices, replacing their normal tone with a voice akin to the Doctor Who Daleks.

The move will help media outlets comply with privacy laws that prevent them identifying criminals, relatives, people charged with particular offences, elite soldiers, spies, people filmed without permission, welfare cheats in government-supplied footage, children who aren't in US beauty pageants and licence plates.

The new technology creates a pixilation field in front of a human face that leaves their features blurred and fairly freaky looking.

Approval of the technology came hot on the heels of mega website YouTubed allowing its videos to be automatically pixilated to avoid chronic international embarrassment for people who upload really bad songs.

Privacy expert Ben Sleuth said humans were now constantly tracked by public cameras, GPS on their phones, monitoring of their social media accounts and stalkers, so it was inevitable they would find ways to avoid surveillance.

"We are finally saying that we are proud individuals and we demand our right to stand up and be counted in a blurred and anonymous fashion," he said. "In a world starved of privacy, pixilation is the new black."

Social commentator Bernard Sykes said the pixilation technology was the beginning of the era of the generic human being.

"It seems that the only way we will be able to protect our identities is to have a generic blurred face, to dress like everybody else and to all use Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie as our Facebook profile picture," he said.

"Eventually we will learn to talk the same and people of both sexes will all be named Sandy."

Children's watchdog groups said they were concerned that children might be traumatised by seeing pixilated faces in the street and start having bad dreams.

A government spokesperson said the government was not concerned about this.

"Frankly it's time the little buggers manned up and got off the couch and played in the dirt," he said.

"The clear message from this government is toughen up."

Thirsty Cow is fiction. It should not be confused with real life, real issues or getting real.

 

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