Lifestyle

When you're friends with real benefits

Q I'VE OFTEN heard that men and women can't be good friends and I never used to believe it.

But recently a good male friend revealed his feelings about me and I feel weird around him.

I want us to go back to normal. Is that possible? What needs to change?

 

A Can men and women be friends? It is a question often debated by both, and often with different answers.

Previous research has shown that more women than men will answer the question with a yes, while men will acknowledge that sexual tension is more likely to exist.

This may be because men generally have more than 20 times the testosterone level as women.

Sex, desire and attraction may be on their brains a bit more.

Men and women can be friends, and are successful at long-term friendships all the time.

That doesn't mean there may not be periods of sexual attraction, tension or one friend experiencing an unrequited crush or even love.

When people are interested in one another, feel fondly, deeply care about each other's well-being and have a lot in common, romantic feelings can develop.

Or perhaps a friendship was initiated in part because one person was attracted to the other and hopeful for a relationship, and instead settled into a friendship.

Sometimes those feelings linger, and other times they crop up anew, maybe even years into a friendship.

Your experience is not unusual, to want to be friends, but find in actual fact a friend has feelings for you.

Once they confess this to you, yes, it changes the dynamic between you, but it doesn't have to stay that way.

It is entirely possible to remove those awkward feelings. Why?

Precisely because you are friends. A good friendship will allow for respect for each other's feelings, no matter how uncomfortable they feel.

The best way to resume your tension-free friendship is to acknowledge to one another all the feelings you both have.

Your friend has said he has romantic or lustful feelings for you and is hopeful for a something-more relationship and as a result you feel awkward and perhaps self-conscious around him.

He has been honest with you, and now it's time for you to be honest with him.

Tell him how much you value his friendship and being a part of your life.

Now is not the time to be hesitant or misleading by refusing to communicate openly and honestly.

Respect the friendship you do have and be straight with him.

Does he have a chance with you for more than a friendship?

If not, be direct.

He is your friend, and he cares about you. In all likelihood, he will want to continue the friendship with you and will just need some time to grieve the hope he had for a more intimate relationship with you.

 

>> To read more lifestyle stories

Topics:  dating, friendship, lifestyle, love, relationships, romance




Winning, and losing, comes at a hefty price

GRASPING GOLD: Excelling at sport is ingrained in the Australian psyche, which isn't necessarily a good thing.

LIFE AS I KNOW IT: The cost of being a sporting nation

Monckton to face Group 2 judiciary

Grafton Ghosts will be sweating on a judiciary decision on Nick Monckton.

Ghosts' five-eighth sent from field for abusing match referee.

Council election candidates clear cobwebs for meeting

Council election candidate Andrew Baker says three other members of the last council: Karen Toms, Jim Simmons and Margaret McKenna should be preferenced after him on ballot paper because of their consistent opposition to plans to slug rate payers with special rate rises.Photo Tim Howard / Daily Examiner

Clarence council election candidates have their first public outing.

Latest deals and offers

Blac Chyna sued after car injured 2 women

Blac Chyna is being sued after her friend crashed into another car

Bachelor Richie gives bacon-loving Noni the boot

Noni Janur features on this season of The Bachelor.

TOOWOOMBA swimwear designer still single but focusing on her career.

Chris Hemsworth surprises kids at hospital as Thor

Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston surprised children at hospital

MOVIE REVIEW: War Dogs tells a fascinating true story

Miles Teller and Jonah Hill in a scene from the movie War Dogs.

DARKLY funny film examines the business side of the war on terror.

Folk singer looking forward to her Gympie Muster debut

Alternative country folk singer Fanny Lumsden will perform at the Gympie Muster.

FANNY Lumsden to serenade new fans with her country hall-style show.

Patti Smith, Billy Bragg and Buddy Guy lead the 2017 Bluesfest charge

Patti Smith is one of the headline acts confirmed for Bluesfest 2017.

Patti, Billy, Buddy and more to headline five-day festival

ISLAND FOR SALE: Cheap Fraser Coast island drops price again

Suna Island in the Great Sandy Strait will be auctioned by Ray White Hervey Bay on Saturday morning.

This is the cheapest island you will find for sale in Australia

How a family home can fit on a 250sq m block

This is what you can build on 250m2.

Here's the floor plan of a home built on 250sq m

Investors eye Gladstone's $4m island with resort approval

UP FOR SALE: Turtle Island is on the market.

CHINESE and Sydney investors flag interest in Gladstone island.

Take a sneak peek at this $19m Whitsunday mansion

Mandalay House features a private helipad.

Mandalay is currently on the market with an asking price of $19m

Guess which Sunshine Coast suburb cracked the million dollar list?

This four-bedroom home at 26 McAnally Dr, Sunshine Beach was for sale for $7 million.

List of Australia's five most-expensive suburbs

Does it get any better than this? Check out this $2M home

LUXURY LIVING: The Coral Cove home built by Steve Coates Constructions that took out the best home over $2 million and the Wide Bay Burnett House of the Year at the Master Builders Wide Bay Burnett Housing and Construction Awards.

Wide Bay's best home is right on our doorstep