YAWN: All of this athleticism is tiring.
YAWN: All of this athleticism is tiring. g-stockstudio

10 things to do if you don't give a damn about the Olympics

1. Phone a friend.

That's what people used to do once when all you could do on a phone was talk instead of take photos, check emails, put food pictures on Facebook and post selfies on Instagram. Rediscover the lost art of conversation. If it does not go well, you don't need to try again for another four years.

2. Phone someone you don't know.

You might strike up a friendship with someone you'll speak to more than once every four years. At the least, it will use up some of your free call credit.

3. Pull out some board games to beat boredom.

It should be an eye opener for the kids to see what you used to do before when games came in a box instead of an $80 plastic case and the only console you needed to play them was something with four legs and a laminated top.

4. Read a book

While we're on the subject of going retro with phone calls and board games, try reading a book. If you haven't got a book, try reading the newspaper. If you haven't got a newspaper, try reading the instruction book for the DVD player you've never worked out how to use properly.

5. Netflix and chill

So your flatmate/partner/kids has/have been hassling you to get Netflix but you don't want to pay for television? This might be the month when it actually is worthwhile. At $11.99 a month for the standard deal, it's a cheap way out dressage, judo and medal presentations to foreign athletes whose names you will not remember next week.

6. Re-program your television

Blanket ban all Channel Seven stations in revenge for the wall-to-wall coverage of the Olymics on Seven, Seven Mate, and every other digital derivative of Seven.

7. Watching the trim, taut and terrific

It's a fast way to slide into a body image meltdown. The cure is this: put away the tea and bickies or beer and chips, turn off the television, and go outside and M-O-V-E. Try walking for 30 minutes. Try it a few days in a row. Try walking for 60 minutes. Try a run. Who knows, you might even become an athlete.

8. Clean the fridge

It's quite possible that a packet of grated parmesan that you can see has slipped down the back into the crisper has a use by date of 2012.

9. Cook a real meal

That is, more than one food group and, if you really want to challenge yourself, more than one course. You will have ample space to stock up on ingredients if you have already cleaned the fridge. You might not win a gold medal but you could be the next Masterchef winner.

10. Have sex

London's birth rate hit a 40 year high in 2013, the year after it hosted the Olympics. Mayor Boris Johnson put it down to some sort of Olympic euphoria but perhaps it was just the opposite and Londoners, unable to go anywhere, let alone watch anything else on TV, resorted to procreation.



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