TRAIN wrecks don't come much trashier than The Bachelor Australia.
And while the temptation to criticise is as strong as "the crazy" is in many of the bachelorettes, I think it's time to focus on the positives we can take away from this show.
It is good for feminism. Clearly.
If we agree that feminism is essentially about equality, and that the balance of power has been unfairly tipped in favour of blokes for, oh, ever, then what better way to redress the imbalance than placing 25 women in a televised catfight for one man?
I'm no maths genius, but I know 25 is a bigger number than one, and women are in the majority here. Give us the white rose for victory.
Feel our power. Hear us roar.
This show is good for home decorators in that the sheer volume of lanterns, candles, cushions, fairy lights, flowers, gazebos and horrid wallpaper has your internal "I must go to Bunnings this Saturday" sensor doing an incessant involuntary twitch. However, please note: the nation's shelves may be empty of these things for between 10 and 14 working days, as every last stick of these items was sent to Channel Ten.
It's good for stomach-clearing.
"The mansion furniture" has its own tab on the network website and I defy anyone to click through the images and not bring up their lunch.
This show is good for people with funny names. I am looking at you Osher and Tiarnar and trying not to laugh as I do it.
Speaking of Osher, this show is good for "hair in a can". Let's retro-revive those hardcore hair products!
This show is good for parenting.
And by that, I mean in a "there is no way in hell I am allowing my children, especially my daughter/s, watch this show unless it's as an example of the following words: humiliation, desperation, low self-esteem, unethical, awkward, bitchiness, spite, manipulation, dishonesty, fake".
This show is empowering for all white, size-8 Australian girls. And gosh, they need our support.
This show is good for Mormons, although they are not good for long-term ratings. They all turn off after episode one as they can't comprehend why one man cannot live with 25 wives.
This show is good for comedy.
Search top TheBachelorAU hashtags on Twitter and try not to snicker.
This show is good for rose growers, although a sinister part of me, larger than I'd care to reveal, wishes they didn't remove the thorns.
But will this show be good for Blake Garvey? Sadly, I will never know. To me, his voice is like brown noise emanating from a wavelength my ears do not recognise.
Good luck, Blakey. Make sure the mansion is free of sharp objects.