*WARNING EMBARGOED until 9pm Tuesday February 7* My Kitchen Rules contestants Amy and Tyson host their instant restaurant at Kangaroo Point, Queensland. Supplied by Channel 7.
*WARNING EMBARGOED until 9pm Tuesday February 7* My Kitchen Rules contestants Amy and Tyson host their instant restaurant at Kangaroo Point, Queensland. Supplied by Channel 7. Paul Broben

'I’m not full of s**t’: Highest MKR score ever

IF THERE'S one thing we can learn from tonight's episode of MKR, it's that robots sure can cook.

The trite old chestnuts implying that you need to cook with love and put your heart on the plate are blown to smithereens as Amy and Tyson prove you can kick culinary ass without showing or feeling a single emotion. Our favourite villains nailed it tonight with the highest score in history (even after last nights' highest score ever).

To produce truly sensational dishes dripping with multiple levels of technical skill, you don't need heart. You just need brains.

Luckily the guests in this instant restaurant are dressed like they're attending a number of balls, because with Amy and Tyson's taste for unusual cuts of meat, there's every chance that's what will be served tonight.

But before we start on our entrees this evening, let's just check on Amy and Tyson's emotion levels.

Despite a lot of anticipation at the table, there's no sign yet of Tyson's threatened "angry angry man", although he does give minor irritation a bit of a nudge when he can't find any puffed wheat at the shops. Who can blame him, really - we've all felt the frustrated sting of specialty grain shortages.

Karen in particular can't wait to experience the legendary Tysonic rage. "It'd just be fun to see Tyson have some emotion I guess" she says, likely misunderstanding the definition of "fun".

But instead of seeing a blip on Tyson's equilibrium radar, we're treated instead to the finest thing ever done to a lamb's thinkin' parts.

Judges gush praise. Fellow contestants become instant crumbed grey matter converts. The excitement must really be coursing through the brother/sister team's veins. Right?

Thankfully having no feelings at all really saves a lot of time. In a jiffy we're onto preparations for main course, where slight fluctuations in potato-frying oil temperature and the whimsical fancies of pig jowls can really cause tempers to flare. You can see the panic on Amy and Tyson's faces.

Once again, the judges fall all over themselves with praise, noting the rich char of the jowls, the contrasting flavours of the purees, and the full-bodied tang of the cider sauce.



Meanwhile back at the table, normal human emotions are running hot. Now that Tyson and Amy are proving that they can back up their boasting with actual skill, they've lost some of their oomph as the snide bad guys at the table.

Sensing a villain vacuum, the MKR hydra quickly grows replacement heads in the form of David and Betty.

At the other end of the emotional scale, the Venn diagram of current lowest score overlaps with the Venn diagram of current highest score, resulting in some long-awaited hot pash action between Bek and Kyle.

In the kitchen a robot's work is never done, and work commences on the world's most complicated dessert, or as Amy and Tyson call it: 00110101010101.

It's raspberry coulis with marshmallow and meringue and pretzel bits and sponge cake and sorbet and ice cream and chocolate shavings.

It's another slam-dunk. Pete and Manu are trying to find superlatives they haven't used already. Between waves of surging sensation and an unprecedented three tens, Pete gushes "I'm glad you're in this competition".

Surely. Surely this is it. This is the time for Amy and Tyson to really let loose and fly the feelings flag.

"Thank you" says Amy, deadpan. "We are too".

Despite everyone hoping that these two would crash and burn, nobody can give them a bad score and they romp it in, pipping Tim and Kyle at the post and scoring 102 out of a total of 110 points, the highest MKR score in history.

After the risk of cooking brains and jowls and the stress of throwing multiple difficult culinary techniques together, the praise is hard-earned and richly deserved.

"What does that mean to you, Tyson?" asks Pete, perhaps hoping at the last to drag a sob or a whoop or a jubilant fist from this basalt column of a man.

"Means I'm not full of s**t", answers Tyson.

Y'know, if we're not careful, we're going to start liking this guy.

Jo Thornely is a writer who loves it when you explain her jokes back to her on Twitter. Follow her @JoThornely


Tyson and Amy's menu

Entrée: Lambs brains with cauliflower puree, Sriracha aioli and pickles

Main: Pork jowl with eggplant puree, pumpkin puree, pommes frites and apple cider sauce

Dessert: Chocolate Raspberry Discovery

Score: 102

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