Currumbin Wildlife Hospital
Currumbin Wildlife Hospital

Koala tea of mercy is somewhat strained

Grape Expectations by Max Crus

Column No.1396

The koala tea of mercy is somewhat strained

THIS was supposed to be a column on koalas, specifically why the National Party should be commended for making a stand on them. Or more correctly, just stand on them.

Yes, the Nats are correct, power-hungry, latte-sipping, avo-smashing, inner-city lefty…sorry liberals, have killed all their koalas and now they’re preventing farmers killing the rest.

“Well, that’s not on,” said Deputy Pooh Bah, John Porkbarrel’emova, “unless you threaten to remove our ministerial salaries”. And rightly so.

The NSWe Nationals led by John Barilaro threatened to bring Gladys Berejiklian’s government to crisis in a spat over koala sanctuaries. Column artwork Terry Pontikos for Daily Telegraph’s Anna Caldwell Opinion.
The NSWe Nationals led by John Barilaro threatened to bring Gladys Berejiklian’s government to crisis in a spat over koala sanctuaries. Column artwork Terry Pontikos for Daily Telegraph’s Anna Caldwell Opinion.

Farmers have killed koalas for 200 hundred years (farmers before then seemed to have lived quite happily with our cuddly national mascot…but I digress), and this should be allowed to continue.

However, killing koalas is not what the Nats want.

They love koalas as much as anyone and want them preserved – no, settle, not like the CWA ladies do, they haven’t got big enough jars, but I digress – as everyone does.

All the Nats want is to knock down trees. Unfortunately especially the ones koalas like, because, coincidentally, they are also the trees farmers must remove because cows, sheep and wheat don’t like them.

Warren Brown cartoon. John Barilaro koala
Warren Brown cartoon. John Barilaro koala

Serendipitously, it turns out that they’re the same trees loggers like too, and let me tell you, those trees are worth a lot more to a timber mill than a koala. Thus the Nats love loggers almost as much as they love farmers and, unfortunately for koalas, a fair bit more than they do koalas.

And farmers need to make a living – okay, sure, so do koalas but I digress, again - and if the Nats are going to make an omelette (not only of their political strategy) a few eggs will get broken and apart from the bits on Porkbarrelaro’s face, the rest will be quite tasty thank you very much.

So, in order to make a crust, literally, farmers must clear their land, and keep clearing it until, well, until they don’t, and koalas are just a bit of collateral damage. But what else can they do?

Warren Brown cartoon. A FED-UP NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian brought on the koala showdown with her deputy John Barilaro as a sign of force and to shutdown bad behaviour.
Warren Brown cartoon. A FED-UP NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian brought on the koala showdown with her deputy John Barilaro as a sign of force and to shutdown bad behaviour.

So, this was to be a column about that, however what I really want to know is, how do soft close doors work?

Stay tuned next week to find out.

Meanwhile let’s toast our koalas, um, figuratively, it looks like the Nats’ pay packets trump their principles.

Grant Burge Barossa Shadrach Cabernet Sauvignon 2016, $114.99: A price devised by marketers, loved by accountants, and disregarded by those who can afford to drink this, so everyone is happy, especially those who love Barossa Cabernet. 9.6/10.

Grant Burge Barossa Abednego Shiraz Grenache Mourvedre 2017, $99.99: GSM is a staple of paper and printing industries, s’cuse the pun, but also the wine world. Up there with classy, weighty stock of good business cards…if anyone remembers them. 9.4/10.

Woolpunda Clare Valley Semillon Sauvignon Blanc (NV), $18: The wine that rides on the sheep’s back, this is about as full bodied as SSBs get, so approach with caution. 8.7/10.

Woolpunda Clare Valley Shiraz (NV), $18: The Clare Valley is truly blessed, as are we when it can produce stuff like this under $20, and you don’t even have to go to church. 9/10.

Burton McMahon (Yarra Valley) George’s Vineyard Chardonnay, 2019, $40: This is the sharper end of the chardonnay spectrum. Bitey and bright and a great start to the night. 9.3/10.

Burton McMahon (Yarra Valley) George’s Vineyard Pinot Noir 2019, $40: In the words of Scummo, how good is that? Matching pinot and chardonnay from George’s place. Alas who knows any Georges old enough to drink these days? Smart and sophisticated. 9.5/10.



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