MAX CRUS: Going hard on soft-close

Installed a bathroom cabinet the other day, the smallest and cheapest money can buy (incredibly you can pay $5000 for something indiscernible, but that's another story?).

Luckily, the screws lined up with those of the 1970s avocado mirror being replaced, roughly. Okay not quite, but that's another story too.

Anyway, pleased with my handiwork, I reflected and admired it, and my reflection, for ages.

Over the following few weeks however, I became less enamoured, not because it wasn't quite centred but because the door was difficult to close. You really had to push it, suggesting I'd somehow buggered that in the build too, despite the puzzlement of just how one might do so. It's just is just a door with hinges.

Weeks later I accidentally bumped the door while it was open and hey, presto, imagine my surprise when the bloody thing closed itself, softly…jamming my fingers. Don't be fooled, soft-close hurts.

Cheapest in the range and it's got a soft close door, which presented another conundrum.

Sure, there's lots of important things in the world, but all of that pales beside the importance of how soft-close drawers work.

Having searched everywhere, well, Google, I just couldn't fathom the drawings it threw at me.

Eventually I went to the only place you can these days when you need to know anything, Bunnings. Open the package when no-one is watching, problem solved. Amazing too, but that didn't explain soft-close cupboards, there'll be one of those around here somewhere…

Gee, is there anything you can't find at Bunnings?

Well, actually there is, and that's wine, so hey, there's a business opportunity, merge Dan's with Bunnings.

Then my mind drifted to the human reproductive system, as it does. Off to Bunnings again I suppose.

Byrne Winemakers Ballarat 'Trawalla' Trawalla Jack Vineyard Shiraz, 2017, $38
This is out-there shiraz, but not so much you wouldn't go back for seconds. Stick with it and you will succumb. 9.3/10.

Byrne Winemakers Ballarat 'Coghills Creek' Myola Vineyard Chardonnay 2018
Byrne Winemakers Ballarat 'Coghills Creek' Myola Vineyard Chardonnay 2018 Simon Hughes

Byrne Winemakers Ballarat 'Coghills Creek' Myola Vineyard Chardonnay 2018, $38
Byrne really want to give you a sense of place from the label, don't they? Specially when that place is out there past Ballarat. This is very out-there chardonnay to go with the location and its shiraz brethren. Bitey and sharp, yet fat and nutty. Wow. 9.5/10.

Sevenhill Clare Valley St Francis Xavier Single Vineyard Riesling 2020, $40
More body than your average Clare Riesling, but not as fat as Friar Tuck is portrayed, it's almost as heavenly. 9.4/10.

Sevenhill Clare Valley 'Inigo' Cabernet Sauvignon 2018, $28 
Compared to other regions, Clare Valley cabernet is always easier to drink young, isn't it? Named in honour of the Jesuit's founder, and supporting the cause, buying a bottle is in itself a charitable act. 9.2/10.

Longview Adelaide Hills 'Whippet' Sauvignon Blanc 2020, $23 
Whippets are funny dogs from a bygone era enjoying a resurgence of late, bit like sauv blanc. 9.2/10.

Longview Adelaide Hills Macclesfield Riesling, 2020, $30
Long-necked Longview with a lovely label, minimalist and trendy as is the wine albeit with more grunt than your average riesling, and less body than me. 9.4/10.



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