MY SAY: Sorry America, you have it all wrong
THIS time in a week I'll be getting on a plane to come home from my month-long adventure to Hawaii and the west coast of the United States.
The time has just flown by (although I'm sure the 27-hour plane trip from Vancouver to Brisbane will go nice and slow).
As I was brainstorming ideas for this column I realised there was something so obvious, so necessary, that I hadn't yet written about.
So here I present to you my comprehensive (though certainly not exclusive) list of the 10 things seriously weird about the United States of America.
1. The toilets
The water is filled way too high. It sits about 5cm below the seat. It's very disconcerting. Things are just a little too close for comfort, if you get what I'm saying.
Who designed them? Lanes end with zero warning. Exits appear out of nowhere with five seconds at 60 miles an hour to decide whether or not that's the one you want to take.
3. Their relentless insistence on using the imperial system
60 miles per hour? Yeah, bet you didn't know what that meant. That's because the imperial system makes no sense. Try it: Google how many inches are in a foot. Okay, there's 12. That's fine, I guess. I can get on board with that. Now try: how many feet are in a mile? 5280. Who came up with that number? I'll tell you: some British guy 200 years ago who decided that three grains of barley lined up would be a cool standard on which to base an entire measurement system.
4. Stop signs
They're chronically overused in the US. At a four-way intersection every direction will have a stop sign.
Which is all well and good until you try and work out who has right of way.
Say it with me, guys: roundabout.
5. Weird rules with no underlying rationale
Car headlights must be on in the daytime on certain stretches of road.
You must have exact change for your bus fare. Why? For what reason?
Half the cars don't have them. Nobody seems to bat an eyelid. We were told numberplates are apparently a "soft rule".
7. Driving on the right-hand side
I'm going to admit here, this comes from no other place other than the fact I'm Australian and driving on the left-hand side just makes sense, okay?
Yes, I know the entirety of Europe drives on the right too but I still maintain that everyone else is wrong and we are right.
It's too destructible. American money is literally made out of what looks like bits of paper with different, but very similar-looking, old blokes' faces on them. You can so easily tear them and they all look the same.
You will get offered drugs in them.