Prime Minister Scott Morrison and Treasurer Josh Frydenberg during Question Time in the House of Representatives at Parliament House in Canberra, Wednesday, June 10, 2020. (AAP Image/Mick Tsikas)
Prime Minister Scott Morrison and Treasurer Josh Frydenberg during Question Time in the House of Representatives at Parliament House in Canberra, Wednesday, June 10, 2020. (AAP Image/Mick Tsikas)

OPINION: Jumping for joy in the Josh pit

JOSH, maaate. Thanks for the handout.

We battlers have been busting to renovate the fibro and with $25 big ones we're going to town, and Bunnings.

Wine somelier and satirical commentator Max Crus writes Grape Expectations, published every Saturday in The Daily Examiner.
Wine somelier and satirical commentator Max Crus writes Grape Expectations, published every Saturday in The Daily Examiner.

First room off the rank is always the bathroom. An indoor dunny would be so luxurious.

$15k should do it, or $17k including a fancy Aussie Issy mirror. What's a lazy $2000 on a mirror when Josh is giving you $25 thou'?

Righto, kitchen next. Better allow $35k to go the whole hog if you want to cook a whole hog.

A La Cornue Grand Palais at $48 grand might blow the budget but a lovely looking Lancanche at a lazy $11,000 should slip under the radar without needing another payday loan. Now we're cooking.

Time to dress up the barbecue area, formerly known as the back yard. Herringbone pavers, 10metre square pergola with a Jørn Utzen barbecue will be a barbecue stopper, and a fire pit (called Josh) will still leave enough left over from the $25k budget for a magnum of Bundy and a carton of VB.

We're cookin' everywhere now but still only halfway to qualifying for entry to the Josh pit.

Next, a lounge room-cum-home cinema. Fancy fireplace, 100 inch, 8k TV with a Bang and Olufsen sound bar and a real bar like mum and dad had in 1970. A bargain at $20 thousand, including five years of Fox and Netflix.

Time to get serious and get it on in the master suite. Maybe a circular King-sized bed with Egyptian linen. Couple of stone lion heads either side of the bedhead?

Some bling like giant wooden letters that spell D.R.E.A.M.?

Struth, spending that much it should spell C.A.S.H.!

Cool and a snip at another $25 thousand which is better value and hurt less than the last bedroom snip.

Bugger, we're still only up to $120k, how do we get that up to the $150k Josh-hold?

Easy. A cellar. Digging dirt is exxy, $30 grand easy. Cool and we could buy two cartons of Hill of Grace or Grange with the Josh dosh.

Or 20-30 cartons of any of these…thanks Josh, bugger public housing, right on the money this time, maaate.

 

Hancock and Hancock McLaren Vale Home Vineyard Shiraz 2017, $25. Imagine having a vineyard at home? Well, that's how it is for about 2500 Australians, why not get one of your own with Josh's posh handout. 9.2/10.
Hancock and Hancock McLaren Vale Home Vineyard Shiraz 2017, $25. Imagine having a vineyard at home? Well, that's how it is for about 2500 Australians, why not get one of your own with Josh's posh handout. 9.2/10.

 

Hancock and Hancock McLaren Vale Sparkling Shiraz NV, $25. Sparkling shirazes tend to a bit lighter (and a bit sweeter) than their still brethren which is just as well because the bubbles makes it all go to your head so much quicker. Talk about instant gratification. 9.3/10.
Hancock and Hancock McLaren Vale Sparkling Shiraz NV, $25. Sparkling shirazes tend to a bit lighter (and a bit sweeter) than their still brethren which is just as well because the bubbles makes it all go to your head so much quicker. Talk about instant gratification. 9.3/10.

 

Petaluma Coonawarra Cabernet Sauvignon 2018, $25. Little brother of one of the classic Coonawarra cabs with a slightly renovated, almost retro label, a classic choice for the new cellar. 9/10.
Petaluma Coonawarra Cabernet Sauvignon 2018, $25. Little brother of one of the classic Coonawarra cabs with a slightly renovated, almost retro label, a classic choice for the new cellar. 9/10.

 

 

Petaluma Adelaide Hills Chardonnay 2019, $22. Thoroughly modern chardonnay, bright light and sharp and leaving enough dough to get some 500pt wooden letters spelling CHARDY with your Josh dosh. 9.1/10.
Petaluma Adelaide Hills Chardonnay 2019, $22. Thoroughly modern chardonnay, bright light and sharp and leaving enough dough to get some 500pt wooden letters spelling CHARDY with your Josh dosh. 9.1/10.

 

d'Arenberg McLaren Vale The Old Bloke and Three Young Blondes Shiraz Viognier Roussanne Marsanne 2015, $200. It's a shame for this wine that Harvey Weinstein is in the news so much, but a suitable bevvy to celebrate his incarceration. Only 10 dozen for your Josh dosh. 9.5/10.
d'Arenberg McLaren Vale The Old Bloke and Three Young Blondes Shiraz Viognier Roussanne Marsanne 2015, $200. It's a shame for this wine that Harvey Weinstein is in the news so much, but a suitable bevvy to celebrate his incarceration. Only 10 dozen for your Josh dosh. 9.5/10.

 

d'Arenberg McLaren Vale The Coppermine Road Cabernet Sauvignon 2017, $76. This always reminds me of Bruce Springsteen for some reason, which would be as good an accompaniment as any. 9.3/10.
d'Arenberg McLaren Vale The Coppermine Road Cabernet Sauvignon 2017, $76. This always reminds me of Bruce Springsteen for some reason, which would be as good an accompaniment as any. 9.3/10.


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