Tween pop at its perfect worst
IT'S no secret that nearly every singer or musician wants to be the Next Big Thing.
The majority of them will pass by unnoticed and fade to obscurity, while a very, very lucky few will become a household name.
For 13-year old singer Rebecca Black, international fame was just one song away although I don't know if I'd call her lucky.
For those of you who haven't heard Miss Black's pop song, Friday, the video has surpassed 30 million views on YouTube and the tween singer has become one of the biggest internet celebrities in recent memory.
For all the wrong reasons.
The song has come under ridicule for its cliche production values, auto-tuned singing, utterly stupid lyrics and the inexplicable guest appearance by a 50-year-old rapper.
The chorus repeats the words "partying, partying, yeah!" as Miss Black sings the words "fun, fun, fun, fun" with as much enthusiasm as a teenage boy in an arts and craft store.
The bridge contains the very helpful lyrics "yesterday was Thursday, today it is Friday" before really bringing things home with "tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards".
Hey, at least she's accurate.
The highlight of the video is the aforementioned appearance of the guest rapper who looks about 40 years older than everyone else in the video and raps such classic lines as "school bus in front of me, makes tick tock tick tock, wanna scream" and announcing he's "chilling in the back seat" as the same time he's "driving, cruising".
Driving while in the back seat? Don't try this at home, kids.
The subject of car seating comes up a lot in the song, with Black repeating "gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take?" as her 13-year old friends beckon for Black to jump into their convertible in the video.
Nevermind the fact that there is obviously only one spare seat available. How on earth are these tweens driving convertible cars without a licence?
The song has been widely panned for its ridiculous concept and lyrics, but really I think it's car safety groups that should be the most worried.
The reason the song has become so popular is because it's the ultimate example of anti-pop.
The song has unintentionally parodied pop music so well that people are starting to realise how ridiculous tween pop really is.
Just like bungee jumping, it only takes one thing to go horribly wrong to stop other people from giving it a go.
Friday is so perfectly bad, such a good parody of pop music, it's enough to make Justin Beiber give up and start a death metal band.
And while the song is a blow to all producers still churning out lazy and formulaic pop songs, that's not the only reason I love Friday.
It's impossible to sing along with "gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal" and "gotta get down to the bus stop, gotta catch my bus, I see my friends!" without a massive smile on my face.
Not a single song in the last few months, not a single band working their hardest to make good, interesting music, has captured my heart as much as one 13-year old girl singing about her favourite day of the week and where it lies in relation to other days of the week.
To Miss Black- forget the haters, keep on partying, keep on making your mind up about which seat to take and most importantly, keep on having fun, fun, fun, fun.
Culture Sparrow is a weekly humour column by Callum Johnson.