Lifestyle

T leaves a very bitter taste

James Magnussen has been forced to settle for silver in the final of the men's 100 metre freestyle.
James Magnussen has been forced to settle for silver in the final of the men's 100 metre freestyle. Getty Images Sport - Al Bello

THE Federal Government has launched an investigation into the letter T after it was blamed for Australia's lower-than-expected gold medal tally at the Olympics.

The letter was accused of messing with the heads of star athletes James Magmuffin (swimming), Jodie Shoots (hockey) and Kim Muscle (javelin) as all three fell short of expectations.

Sports administrator James Busted said the letter T had harassed the athletes during the filming of a bank ad and destroyed their confidence.

"As I understand it the three were hanging out with the letters C, A and N when T, chubby and with a beard, came along and started planting seeds of doubt," he said.

"Friends of Magmuffin said the champion, known as the missile, was seen sitting in the corner before his big race saying over and over that he had been beaten before.

"And Jodie was carried from the field muttering incoherently about a goalkeeper the size of a block of flats."

The revelation sparked a strong community backlash against the letter T.

Children's program Sesame Street announced it would be pulling a program brought to you by the letter T in protest at the letter's antics.

Hollywood actor Mr T announced he would be changing his name to Mr Q.

Ordinary punter Trevor said he would in future refer to himself as "Revor".

"This may seem a little extreme but it has a nice Scooby Doo quality to it," he said.

Prime Minister Julia Gizzard said her government would leave no stone unturned in getting to the bottom of the T controversy.

"Naturally we can't just have letters of the alphabet running amok in bank ads," she said.

"History has taught us that this is the way total anarchy begins."

Opposition Leader Tony Abshot said he was proud of all of Australia's athletes, except perhaps the ones that didn't go very fast.

"This is just another attempt by the Prime Minister to divert attention from the real issues such as who will be in the Big Brother house and what their secrets are," he said.

A spokesman for the letter T said his client was upset at the allegations and would defend them rigorously.

"At this stage we intend to launch a counter claim that my client was harassed and assaulted during the filming of the bank ads," he said.

"I am advised that he was pushed over a cliff, trapped under a hockey goal and chased across the paddock with a spear. This is not very nice."

Thirsty Cow is fiction. Characters and situations are a product of our imagination.

 

>> To read more lifestyle stories

Topics:  humour lifestyle olympics opinion thirsty cow



There is a lot to love about Schaeffer House

Schaeffer House, once the home of Grafton's first city architect, is now a museum run by the Clarence River Historical Society Inc.

Why do you love Schaeffer House?

Businesses drive support for Headspace

CHESS CEO Paul Kelly was in Grafton to talk about the interim Headspace facility operating out of their offices.

Local businesses support Chess in Headspace campaign

NETFLIX FIRST: Townsend boy's leading role

SHOOTING STAR: Former Townsend resident Leigh McGrath, right, on the set of the soon to be released movie Australia Day.

A former Townsend local is helping shakeup entertainment industry.

Local Partners

Lyn's knock-out show gets her to next round on The Voice

A POWERFUL and emotional rendition of The Beatles' anthem Let It Be saw The Voice contestant Lyn Bowtell soar through to the next round.

NETFLIX FIRST: Townsend boy's leading role

SHOOTING STAR: Former Townsend resident Leigh McGrath, right, on the set of the soon to be released movie Australia Day.

A former Townsend local is helping shakeup entertainment industry.

Dreamworld may supersize with 'Disneyland expansion'

Dreamworld could become a “more attractive and entertaining park”.

World’s strongest man reveals incredible 12,000 calorie diet

Brian Shaw won his 4th World's Strongest Man title. Source: Twitter

World’s strongest man reveals incredible 12,000-calorie diet

High Abilities take over the Jaca

READY TO ROCK: The High Abilities group will be playing at the Jacaranda Hotel on Friday night in support of Living Proof.

CRANES band all set for their next show at Grafton pub

ABC2 slammed over football exhibition match coverage

Fans weren't too happy with ABC2's coverage of Wednesday night's game.

ABC2 slammed for coverage of soccer exhibition match

'Bulls--t!' Lisa Wilkinson grilled over Karl's pay packet

Join us for a Great Night as we Proudly present Lisa Wilkinson

“And you believe everything you read?”

How Toowoomba house prices compare in Australia

For sale sign in front of home.

Here's what $700,000 will buy you in Toowoomba, Brisbane and Sydney

One of Maryborough's most historic homes is still for sale

FULL OF HISTORY: Trisha Moulds is owner of the historic Tinana state known as Rosehill. The beautiful home is currently for sale.

It has been the scene of both joy and tragedies over the years.

The face of the Sunshine Coast's overpriced rental crisis

Alyx Wilson had to rent a $385 unit in Currimundi because the market was too competitive for cheaper rental housing. She is now renting a room from friends who own a house in Currimundi, and says its much more affordable.

Young people feel the strain in competitive, expensive rental market

WATCH: Take a tour of a tradie's dream home

5a Bruce Hiskens Court, Norman Gardens, going for $720,000. INSET: Lea Taylor.

Huge block with potential for anything

REVEALED: Where it's cheaper to pay off a mortgage than rent

6/190 Ewing Rd, Woodridge, is listed for offers $215,000. Picture: realestate.com.au

Brisbane suburbs where it is cheaper to buy than rent

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!