Weighty problem can cool things down in the bedroom
Q My wife is the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world to me.
Yes she has gained quite a bit of weight over the last few years and she keeps complaining that she no longer fits into her pretty dresses, but I honestly don't see anything but my wife's beauty, inside and out.
I am proud to be with her, and I desire her every day, still after over 15 years of marriage and three kids.
We still have an active sex life but she has admitted to me that she often has sex without being in the mood for it, just to make me happy.
Since she's told me that, I can't get it out of my mind and I no longer enjoy making love to her like I used to because I want us both to enjoy it and don't like the thought of her doing it just for me.
It's meant to be something we both share and love.
How can I get my wife to want to have sex with me again? I've tried everything - even buying her sexy red lingerie!
A Here's a tip: have you tried buying her black lingerie?
Or better yet, a gift certificate for her to choose her own special something that she is comfortable wearing and feels sexy and pretty in herself?
A little known fact from research is that red is the number one colour choice men prefer to see their female partner in, but black is the colour women choose to wear themselves when it comes to feeling sexiest.
A more well known fact is that poor body image can destroy libido.
If a woman doesn't feel sexy, it's hard for her to get in the mood for sex.
If she feels self-conscious about her body, she will listen to the negative self talk about how unattractive she tells herself she is (in her own mind, or out loud).
If she feels self-conscious in bed, she won't enjoy herself and will feel distracted and unhappy.
It's very hard for a woman to feel much emotional or sexual pleasure if she's focused on trying to cover cellulite or groaning inwardly when a belly roll is prominently on display.
That your wife continues to make love with you when she doesn't really want to shows her love for you and her commitment to the relationship.
So rather than feel badly, focus your attention on improving your wife's libido and supporting her in that quest, if she wants it.
If so, talk together about what kinds of things might make her feel sexier and more in the mood.
Is it more date time with you that is romantic but not sexual?
Is it alone pampering time?
Is it exercise and dieting to improve her energy levels and help her reconnect with her physical body to feel better about herself?
Is it hearing more positive praise from you about how beautiful you think she is?