Lifestyle

Wolverine and the soccer mum

IT'S not easy being one of the walking wounded. Leave the house wearing an eye patch or a neck brace, nursing a bandaged arm or limping along on crutches and people feel free to ask how you incurred the injury. Well that's fine if you got the injury doing something impressive or exciting.

There's no embarrassment in saying, "Oh it's nothing, the puncture marks in my leg are from arguing with a great white shark who wanted to take a chunk out of my surfboard" or "I broke my wrist hang-gliding".

These explanations will get you instant respect and admiration. These are the kind of stories told and retold in bars and in bowling clubs and school yards throughout the nation. These types of injuries are badges of honour, the stuff of urban legends. But just try telling people you're the victim of a hair straightening incident that went horribly wrong and watch all the sympathy (and your cool factor) fly right out the window.

Yep, the truth is out. The big, ugly, shocking-red welt sitting smack bang in the middle of my forehead, that it seems everyone in the entire state felt obliged to comment on this week, was not the result of me head butting my teenage son (tempting as that can be sometimes) but from an attempt by me to style my hair.

I'm under no illusions here, I do know my limits when it comes to my abilities with my crowning glory, there's a long and quietly disturbing history involving me and hair styling stuff.

In the 80s it took me almost half the decade to work out how to use hot rollers and just when I got the hang of them everyone had already moved on to crimpers. In 1995 I single-handedly proved the "Toni Never-Fail Home Hair Perm" was a fraudulent claim and as for my flair with hair gel? Well, let's just say I still firmly believe the hairstyle I accidentally created to wear to my best friend's wedding was the inspiration for the punk movement.

But using a hair straightener? Seriously, how hard could it be? Of course I totally blame Meg Ryan for giving me courage to try yet another hair appliance. I should never have watched the movie rerun of Kate and Leopold starring her and Hugh Jackman - terrible movie, great hair.

For those of you who are hair straightener virgins, it's an electrical appliance that works like a big flat pair of barbecue tongs. According to the instructions (which I didn't read in their entirety) the idea is to slowly pass the hair from root to tip through the poker-hot paddle bits to end up with dead straight, free flowing tresses. It all sounds good in theory but like most things in life, the practical application and end results are a world away from the instructions and the expectations.

After plugging in the hair straightener it didn't take long for the fun and games to begin - starting with the smell of singed hair. And somehow sadly predictable, after 20 minutes in the bathroom I was looking more like Mop Ryan than Meg Ryan with the very real possibility of being scarred for life.

So if anybody else asks about my injury I'll be kicking up my story a few notches. I'll be using words like extreme styling and third degree facial burn and Hugh Jackman wants me for his leading lady in his next movie - Wolverine and the slightly disfigured soccer mum.

Topics:  hair and beauty humour op wendy's world



Your newspaper just took out three global gongs!

News Corp's Hey Mumma named best in the world!

Hostage accused to face court tomorrow

Eyewitnesses huddle together outside the scene of a hostage situation at the Hotel Cecil in Casino.

50-year-old man remains in custody

Man charged with online grooming, procuring child for sex

A man was arrested in the Coffs Harbour area on Tuesday by Strike Force Trawler detectives.

Coffs Coast arrest after investigation by Sex Crimes Squad.

Local Partners

Servant Or Slave to screen in Grafton on Sorry Day

Movie screening for National Sorry Day this week at the Saraton Theatre


Hemingway unearth another dimension to Yamba stage

UNIQUE SOUND: Hemingway will be at Yamba's Pacific Hotel next Saturday night.

Brothers' "do or die” pact to make a career out of the music

Father Riley's message for Reconciliation Week

A supplied photo made available Wednesday, Sept. 9, 2009 of Bill Onus, President of the Victorian Aborigines' Advancement League (right), participating as the only Aboriginal in the march for Aboriginal Rights referendum on May 29, 1967. The photo is part of 'From Little Things Big Things Grow', an exhibition on indigenous rights which opens at the National Gallery of Australia today. (AAP Image/National Library of Australia) NO ARCHIVING, EDITORIAL USE ONLY

National Reconciliation Week to be held from May 27 to June 3

Love, lies and leading ladies in extraordinary free concert

DOUBLE ACT: Catherine Britt and Amber Lawrence are touring together.

Award-winning female country artists team up to tour latest music

Rebel Wilson says she didn’t have to lie to make it

I’M not glamorous, but that doesn’t make me a liar: that’s the message from Rebel Wilson on her second day in the witness box.

Kim Kardashian slammed over Manchester tribute

Kim Kardashian's tribute to Manchester didn't go down well

Top Gun 2 movie is happening, Tom Cruise confirms

Tom Cruise in a scene from the movie Top Gun.

TOM Cruise delights fans with announcement on Sunrise.

The first Baywatch movie reviews are in

From left, Jon Bass, Alex Daddario, Zac Efron, Dwayne Johnson, Kelly Rohrbach, and Ilfenesh Hadera in a scene from the movie Baywatch.

Critics were less than impressed.

Boyfriend loses it over sex lie

Stacey Louise’s sex lie destroys her relationship.

SEVEN Year Switch’s Stacey told a fib about her sex life.

Why Crowe’s thankful for those ‘bulls**t’ rumours

Russell Crowe and Terri Irwin in 2007.

Crowe and Terri Irwin have been dodging dating rumours for years now

Stars line up for writers festival

POPULAR: Byron Writers Festival 2016 recorded the biggest crowds in 20 years of the event.

John Safran, Deng Thiak Adut and Dava Sobel among others

How Toowoomba house prices compare in Australia

For sale sign in front of home.

Here's what $700,000 will buy you in Toowoomba, Brisbane and Sydney

One of Maryborough's most historic homes is still for sale

FULL OF HISTORY: Trisha Moulds is owner of the historic Tinana state known as Rosehill. The beautiful home is currently for sale.

It has been the scene of both joy and tragedies over the years.

The face of the Sunshine Coast's overpriced rental crisis

Alyx Wilson had to rent a $385 unit in Currimundi because the market was too competitive for cheaper rental housing. She is now renting a room from friends who own a house in Currimundi, and says its much more affordable.

Young people feel the strain in competitive, expensive rental market

WATCH: Take a tour of a tradie's dream home

5a Bruce Hiskens Court, Norman Gardens, going for $720,000. INSET: Lea Taylor.

Huge block with potential for anything

REVEALED: Where it's cheaper to pay off a mortgage than rent

6/190 Ewing Rd, Woodridge, is listed for offers $215,000. Picture: realestate.com.au

Brisbane suburbs where it is cheaper to buy than rent

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!