Lifestyle

Wolverine and the soccer mum

IT'S not easy being one of the walking wounded. Leave the house wearing an eye patch or a neck brace, nursing a bandaged arm or limping along on crutches and people feel free to ask how you incurred the injury. Well that's fine if you got the injury doing something impressive or exciting.

There's no embarrassment in saying, "Oh it's nothing, the puncture marks in my leg are from arguing with a great white shark who wanted to take a chunk out of my surfboard" or "I broke my wrist hang-gliding".

These explanations will get you instant respect and admiration. These are the kind of stories told and retold in bars and in bowling clubs and school yards throughout the nation. These types of injuries are badges of honour, the stuff of urban legends. But just try telling people you're the victim of a hair straightening incident that went horribly wrong and watch all the sympathy (and your cool factor) fly right out the window.

Yep, the truth is out. The big, ugly, shocking-red welt sitting smack bang in the middle of my forehead, that it seems everyone in the entire state felt obliged to comment on this week, was not the result of me head butting my teenage son (tempting as that can be sometimes) but from an attempt by me to style my hair.

I'm under no illusions here, I do know my limits when it comes to my abilities with my crowning glory, there's a long and quietly disturbing history involving me and hair styling stuff.

In the 80s it took me almost half the decade to work out how to use hot rollers and just when I got the hang of them everyone had already moved on to crimpers. In 1995 I single-handedly proved the "Toni Never-Fail Home Hair Perm" was a fraudulent claim and as for my flair with hair gel? Well, let's just say I still firmly believe the hairstyle I accidentally created to wear to my best friend's wedding was the inspiration for the punk movement.

But using a hair straightener? Seriously, how hard could it be? Of course I totally blame Meg Ryan for giving me courage to try yet another hair appliance. I should never have watched the movie rerun of Kate and Leopold starring her and Hugh Jackman - terrible movie, great hair.

For those of you who are hair straightener virgins, it's an electrical appliance that works like a big flat pair of barbecue tongs. According to the instructions (which I didn't read in their entirety) the idea is to slowly pass the hair from root to tip through the poker-hot paddle bits to end up with dead straight, free flowing tresses. It all sounds good in theory but like most things in life, the practical application and end results are a world away from the instructions and the expectations.

After plugging in the hair straightener it didn't take long for the fun and games to begin - starting with the smell of singed hair. And somehow sadly predictable, after 20 minutes in the bathroom I was looking more like Mop Ryan than Meg Ryan with the very real possibility of being scarred for life.

So if anybody else asks about my injury I'll be kicking up my story a few notches. I'll be using words like extreme styling and third degree facial burn and Hugh Jackman wants me for his leading lady in his next movie - Wolverine and the slightly disfigured soccer mum.

Topics:  hair and beauty humour op wendy's world



Thousands turn up the heat at Yamba Gourmet festival

Cassidy OSeland, Tiahnee Cropper and Sally-Jane Loy came from Grafton to enjoy day of good food and fun at the Yamba Gourmet Food Street Truck Festival at Yamba Golf Club.

Food festival held on golf club driving range

Crash victim mourned by Clarence Valley community

Peter Ashenden

Well-known Grafton man killed in head-on collision at Port Macquarie

Local Partners

'I hate my nephew's name, my sister should have consulted me'

A WOMAN posted in a parenting forum saying she dislikes her nephew's name and she should have been 'consulted' on the name choice.

'I need to s***': Why this unlucky dad copped a $1200 fine

Police revealed the reason this dad gave for his offence. Sheesh.

VIDEO: Snakes on the move as temperatures rise

ON THE MOVE: A Clarence River brown snake or rough-scaled snake (tropidechis carinatus).

Deadly brown snake discovered in the Grafton Bridge Project precinct

Range Rover Velar launches charm offensive

The new Range Rover Velar R-Dynamic 1st Edition.

Craig Duff finds Range Rover is onto another good thing.

Make your daughter a 'breastpert'

Emma Scrimshaw, 32, had a lump removed from her breast when she was 20.

Mothers are being urged to teach children to detect breast cancer

'You have to be sexy to wear this'

Amanda Cardoso says the small bikini has always been popular in Brazil, where she is from.

Cheeky summer beachwear trend leaves little to the imagination

It's hard yakka beating bowel cancer, but Bob did it

Operation Hard Yakka founder, Bob Davis has announced his run for senate in the Jacqui Lambie Network. Photo: Valerie Horton / Fraser Coast Chronicle

There wasn't much to indicate Bob Davis was unwell.