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The worst twin baby names of all time

KATHERINE AND KATHRYN. For reals?! It's the same flippin' name! I don't care if these parents cleverly switched up the spelling - there's absolutely no pronunciation difference. These poor twins will have to go through life explaining their identical names every. damn. day. Poor Katie and Katie.

MONIQUE AND YOUNIQUE. I wonder who will be more insulted: Monique because her parents don't seem to think she's one-of-a-kind like her sister or Younique for being given such a ridiculous name? I'm pretty sure they'll both be peeved.

AUTUMN AND SUMMER. Each epithet is lovely on its own, but naming twins after seasons is inviting ridicule. Pick one and combine it with a non-seasonal offering. How about Autumn and Luna or Summer and Olivia?

HEAVEN AND NEVAEH. Oh, heck no. I still haven't accepted Nevaeh (Heaven backwards) as a real human name even though it's been popular for over a decade. And now that I think about it, Heaven isn't a name either! They're even more irksome together than they are apart. 

LONDON AND PARIS. I'm not a huge fan of place names to begin with, but this combo really rubs me up the wrong way. The two trendiest European cities do not twin monikers make! If you must choose place names, how about subtler ones such as Georgia and Bethany.

MUFFY AND MISTY. I hope neither Muffy nor Misty grows up with grand aspirations of becoming a CEO or a rocket scientist. It's really hard to take anyone named Muffy or Misty seriously. I guess they can always change their names to Victoria and Imogen.

BROOKLYN AND JERZEY. You know what I like less than trendy European place names? Low-brow American place names - especially ones that are intentionally misspelt. This combo is a NO for me. 

AFRICA AND ASIA. Meep! We're onto entire continents now. And ones that start with the same letter to boot. This rocks me to the core. I might not be able to sleep tonight. 

CAYDEN AND JAYDEN. Given the enduring popularity of the Aiden/Caden/Jaydon/Braeden trend, I'm not surprised that these parents went there, but boy do I wish they hadn't. I can't tell if the similar spellings are a blessing or a curse. 

NOEL AND LEON. Another palindrome like Heaven and Nevaeh! My eyes! Do the parents even like the names themselves or did they just choose them for their mirror qualities? Ugh, I have a headache.

BARACK AND MITT. In 2012, a Kenyan mama had twins on the day of the US presidential election and named them after the winning and losing candidates: Barack and Mitt. While I do think it's a lovely gesture to honour Obama (whose father was Kenyan), I have to question how little Mitt will feel about his name growing up. 

WAYNE AND DWAYNE. When it comes to matchy names, there's always one twin who gets the short end of the stick. I think it's clear who the loser is in this case. Poor Dwayne. Though Wayne isn't faring that much better, is he? 

KOBE AND CODY. I can see how you could make the mistake of thinking these names are super-different when you look at them on paper, but say them out loud and all your illusions will be shattered. They're virtually indistinguishable and will cause these kids lifelong headaches.

EASTON AND WESTON. Easton means "east-facing place" and Weston means "from the western town". Are they even really twins if they're from different places? I'm confused. 

MICHAEL AND MACKENZIE. Aside from the matchy first letter, this combo isn't too offensive at first sight. Until you realise that their nicknames will be…. wait for it… Mick and Mack. Hard pass. 

EDWARD AND BELLA. Naming your boy-girl twins after a lusty vampire couple is an interesting choice. Not one I would personally make, but who am I to judge? (I'm judging). 

OLIVER AND OLIVIA. For crying out loud. Not only are these the most popular names for boys and girls in Australia, they're basically identical. There are bazillions of names out there - can't we swap one out?! Is it too late? 

SAM AND ELLA. Sam and Ella… salmonella! Food poisoning isn't what you want people to think about when they meet your twins, so maybe Max and Ella would be a better choice? 

BROOKE AND RIVER. These parents obviously love bodies of water of various sizes. It's not a highly objectionable combination, but once you've spotted the matchiness, you can't unsee it. Perhaps their siblings will be Lake and Ocean? 

LONDYN AND LANDYN. A trendy place name, matchiness, misspelling, trendy Y's… my sensibilities are offended at every turn. I'm starting to hyperventilate. I need this list to end soon. 

DANIEL AND DANIELLE. I'm in matchy-matchy hell. I can hear you cry, "No, but Danielle is pronounced differently than Daniel! It's Da-nee-elle!!! It's not the same!" Nope. Explanation rejected. It's the same name. Abort immediately. 

This originally appeared on Kidspot and has been republished with permission.



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